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Destruction/Creation

a dark road, well traveled
but strangely empty then
a pole, barely noticed
what will happen?
then it hits, and everything seems over

(c) Windy Johansen

creation, an opportunity

(c) Windy Johansen

a bright room, just healing
and strongly fighting now
a pole, bearing treatment
what will happen?
now awake, and everything seems hopeful

(c) Windy Johansen

creation, an opportunity
fascination, a lifelong wish
communication, new life

(c) Windy Johansen

a sweet day, so blessed
that empty road was hope
a pole, keeping balance
what will happen?
now walking, and everything seems better

(c) Windy Johansen

concepts flying, wrapping around
concepts wrapping, embracing
osmosis, flowing through

(c) Windy Johansen

creation, an opportunity
information, a lifelong trek
imagination, new life

(c) Windy Johansen

creation, an opportunity
fascination, a lifelong wish
communication, new life

(c) Windy Johansen

creation, an opportunity
information, a lifelong trek
imagination, new life

(c) 25 September 2013, Windy Johansen.

———
I’m still uncertain of posting poems I’ve only written within the previous week. But this one is an interesting one, I think.

If you think this is a good poem, and then tell yourself how you could never do this…don’t say that to yourself. You can. Your voice has every right to be here, and it can say important and artistic things. We need our creative people. Especially now, but we always need creative people to remind us that complacency is not a particularly agreeable place for anyone to be.

If you hate it…well, I am still learning my craft. I might still get it right. :)

Thanks for spending time here, no matter what. Time is important, and I’m glad you chose to be here. <3

Concrete Midnight

concrete midnight
a hard landing
is that sanity spilled on the pavement?

(c) Windy Johansen

serene silence swells
a stark loneliness evaporating
while memories of sunshine return

(c) Windy Johansen

growing concrete
a dazed midnight
is that daylight spilled on the pavement?

(c) Windy Johansen

water rushing down
a sharp memory has recovered
as solitude in daylight deepens

(c) Windy Johansen

a fight within
a secret alley
concrete midnight
I wish I was more
more than I am
in this concrete midnight

(c) Windy Johansen

fatigue growing
one life’s hoping
is that confusion spilled on the pavement?

(c) Windy Johansen

immense secret peace
one spark opening understanding
so sanity will become larger

(c) Windy Johansen

a fight within
a secret alley
concrete midnight
I wish I was more
more than I am
in this concrete midnight

(c) Windy Johansen

midnight fatigue
a thrill’s texture
a new mosaic spilled on the pavement

(c) Windy Johansen

a fight within
a secret alley
concrete midnight
I wish I was more
more than I am
in this concrete midnight

(c) 21 January 2013, Windy Johansen.

Talking By the Sea

lumpy sand and sailboats
windsurfers and arcade games
Hey, what’s the plan?
Hey, what’s the plan?

(c) Windy Johansen

talking by the sea, you and me
the sun is hot, but the rain is free
free for you and me
it’s free

(c) Windy Johansen

dry sand and laughter
windsurfers and arcade games
these drops are strong
these drops are strong

(c) Windy Johansen

radiating heat
radiating cold
where is home?
the rain is here and you are not
where is home?
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you

(c) Windy Johansen

talking by the sea, you and me
the sun is hot, but the rain is free
free for you and me
it’s free

(c) 13 Jan 2013, Windy Johansen.

Abuse is Many Things

This blog is still quite new. I still need to make posts about the things this blog is supposed to be about, and I will do that.

However the subject of abuse in its many forms is a subject that’s important to me. I’ve been abused several times over the course of my life. I was verbally abused, never beaten.

Just because they didn't hit you, doesn't mean they didn't hurt you. Words hurt.

Words hurt. More than I want them to. Artwork (c) 17 August 2013, Windy Johansen.

I was called worthless. Homeless. Lazy. Fat. Stupid. Told that my disability wasn’t real and that I should just do whatever was wanted, because I could, but I was just…holding out on them, I guess. Treated as an imbecile. Treated like a liar. Screamed at for breathing too loudly. Belittled. Spoken to condescendingly. Patronized.

I’ve had people act as if I was mud on their shoe.I’ve been treated like I didn’t matter. I’ve been told that it was okay if I died. I’ve had my religion bashed. (I suppose that happens to everyone. It doesn’t get nicer just because billions go through it.)

I’ve had the facts from real doctors ignored by teachers. I’ve had teachers and administrators ignore my lawful 504 plan and do whatever the heck they felt justified in doing. I had people in my school years lie about my abilities just so they didn’t have to provide services that I needed (they said certain test scores were better than they actually were). That 504 plan should have been an IEP. I should have had special education services. I did not.

I wound up dropping out of school one month from the end of sophomore year. I wonder if having my needs met would have helped.

I have been told that it was only words, that I should just take it. That I was weak. That I should move in with one of the people who’d abused me. It was only words, after all. I should just ignore it.

I guess if you’re poor and desperate, abuse is okay. I mean, it keeps you from having to do anything, so I guess it’s okay. Except it isn’t.

There are two someones who would give me a panic attack if I ever saw them. I was still supposed to visit one of them, because someone thought I should.

Abuse is more than fists, and more than someone viciously raping another. Few people know I was sexually abused. Given how they speak when I talk about “just” verbal abuse, I’m not about to share that! I would be told that it wasn’t enough.

And since you are unlikely to know me from Adam, I feel I can share this.

Words hurt. Stealing kisses is only cute if you’re not pressuring anyone into them.

And it takes a superhuman to leave abusive situations. I feel it is because too few care. They’re not the ones who are supposed to care for you. I know it is because abuse makes you feel too worthless to leave, and the carelessness of so many can’t be helping.

I’ve left abusive situations, only to have my intelligence called into question. I left those situations because my sanity was in danger, but apparently I was meant to get a job, set myself up, and then leave. I should have stayed until I had money to leave.

Because it wasn’t really abuse. Except that it was.

Because I was a perfectly fine, perfectly healthy adult who simply didn’t want to work, and shouldn’t be helped because I needed tough love. Except I wasn’t fine. I wasn’t healthy. I wanted to work, but I couldn’t. I was (and still am) too sick to work. I needed someone to care that I was being abused. If I was well, I’d never have fallen into any of those situations.I needed someone to care.

I got a lot of anger, and a lot of people talking over me to tell me what was what. They knew I could work. They knew I had every ability to do everything just the same way they did. They knew I was just being lazy, and asking for handouts…and worse, asking for them when I did not need them.

I don’t trust people anymore. If you ever wonder why, this is why. My inner monologue of “fark you” once someone’s crossed the line is what saves my bacon every single time I fall into some other abusive situation. Is it nice to keep this idea around? I don’t care. I’m the one who has to get away, and on my own steam. I was thirteen when I learned the sad truth that people who should give even one tenth of a rip about you so often don’t.

I can only imagine what people must go through when they have the stubbornness stolen from them. Not only is there precious little support for anyone, but leaving an abuser can be just as deadly as staying in some situations. I was lucky. My abusers were just jerks. Many are far more than that.

This video tells you why so many stay in abusive situations.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1yW5IsnSjo

Did you watch it? It’s important to watch it.

The people who are trying to leave abusive relationships are not the same people they were when they entered that abusive relationship. Their psychological state is not the same. They are afraid. They have likely been told that if they ask for help or report, they or their loved ones will be killed.

Children are abused. Women are abused. Men are abused. Disabled are abused. The elderly are abused. Poor, wealthy, American, Arab, Asian, European, Native American, Australian, African, Pacific Islander? Abused.

Nobody should be abused. No one, No one deserves such treatment. No one.

This made me cackle and squeal. (Black books: Leather Bound – YouTube)

Black books: Leather Bound – YouTube.

I just hate how books are being treated as decor by some people.

Maybe people have forgotten that at one time, books were hard to come by. The invention of the printing press, and later, the computer, made it so much easier to share learning.

I guess people have gotten complacent. “What do I need with this old thing”, they think, “I’ve got a new iPad. Oh, this book goes so nicely with the drapes! I’ll see if I can find others like that!”

Augh. >_<